Abuela: Because I’ve Always Loved Her

I have my moments
When I miss her more than identified
When my heart aches for no clear reason
I’m misty
Gloomy
Ominous
Kind of lurking within myself
And I know I miss her
I know there’s significant sections of myself
Unclaimed
Uncleaned
Unloved
Un…
Unloved
Unappreciated
Because I never knew love beyond her at all
Until I experience more instances of inhale and exhale
Jagged and Raspy
And no one to tell it to
No one I’d want to tell it to
Man, I miss her
Her candor
Her wit
Her offbeat commentary
The way she said my name
The way she called me all the other names
The manner in which she said to let sleeping dogs lie …
This is the part where I begin to lose focus
This is the part of my truth I’d rather keep to myself
These are the truths I speak to only myself
If only we had more time to speak frankly
To show me how to do like her
To sit on the front porch and watch time pass us by
To hear ‘her choir’ sing
To be from where she was
I swear I can’t deal some days
I know I overstep and misstep
And I don’t care to apologize for it
Correct it or Check myself
Cause only she could check me
Only she would
Only she could

 

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